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2004-04-21 - 7:23 a.m.

I'm ok everyone- really.

I haven't cried in like.. 2 weeks. I'm starting to acceptit all.. Mondays just hit me the hardest- especially when I go to class- because my mind drifts and I think X number of mondays ago I was up north waiting to hear if she made it through the night..

Anyhow.

I went to be at 5:45 pm last night.. crazy crazy. I wasn't feeling that great and neither was larry because he went to bed around 7p.. and the littler girls passed out right along with us! I woke up at 9:25 totally confused- Larry was nowhere in sight and Ashia was up watching TV. She told me that "daddy & vannah went to bed at 6:58" So I sent her off to bed and went back to the bedroom and low and behold, there was my little snuggle bug and her dad. And I passed right back out till 5:20 am.

I feel SO rested.

Today's my brother's 19th birthday. I'm supposed to be in class all night but I don't think I'm going to go- I'm just going to turn in my essay to the instructor's mailbox and call it a semester.. the tedious group work bull shit is just getting to me. And I have a total of 4 more algebra class sessions left to finish 3 chapters. Fuck me! I don't know why I procrastinate to the last minute.. I'm not doing nearly as well this semester as i did last but the classes I took this semester SUCKED. And to think next semester starts on the 7th.. blah.

Atleast for spring/summer two of my classes are online and the one that is on campus is Sociology..which I like.. and its only for 7 1/2 weeks. Then I will offically be a 'sophomore' and can get a 'sophomore' student loan come fall..which I guess is a little more $ then a freshman SL. cool beans. Money is good. And 2.85% is awesome.

I'm starting to think that instead of moving to Alaska in 2 years it would make the most sense to go in 3 so that I can have my bachelors in social work... but I really don't know if I can wait that long.. I really want to get the hell out of Michigan. I feel like my job is sucking the life out of me.

My almost- 4 yr old wants to go to preschool in the worst way. But we can't afford to drop $150/week for her to go. So I got this flyer in Ashia's school packet that says the school district is offering preschool next year. So I call to find out how much $$ tuition is going to be and they ask if I think I might be eligible for any of their grant funded programs. I tell the lady I already called and apparently you have to be dirt fucking poor to qualify for headstart in Michigan- and I'm in that sucky ass income level where you cant get any type of assistance, but you can't make ends meet either. Apparently I *may* qualify for the Michigan School Readiness Program- I have to fill out this super long app. and they will review it and scrutinize my life to decide if my kid gets one of the free preschool slots. There are like 25 qualifying questions and you have to meet atleast 2 to get your app reviewed- questions like:

1.) Are you/were you a teenage parent? (DING!)

2.) Are any of the childs relatives incarcerated? Have any been incarcerated in the past? (DING! DING! DING!)

3.) Is there a history of substance abuse/alcohol abuse in the household? Has anyone

in the household been arrested for a dui? (DING! DING!)

4.) Low Income for the area? (Average salary in Ann Arbor is $77,000/yr) (Ding!)

5.) Anyone in the household unemployed? Not a voluntary stay at home parent? (DING!)<-- cant go to work if you can't afford daycare and the state won't help!

6.) Nutritional Deficiency? Lower than average on growth charts? (DING!) Kayleigh is like.. on the 2% line for height. Weight is average. She is very petite.

7.) Premature birth? Problems in pregnancy with this child? (DING DING!- born 36-68 weeks gestation and had a trisomy 18 "scare" from what I find out later is a very inaccurate blood test which led me to make the dumbest decision of my life- having an amniocentesis at 18 weeks gestation- putting me at higher risk for a late term miscarriage and giving me such mental anxiety/depression that I don't recall even Christmas from that year- for everything to turn out FINE.)

You get the point? I hope we qualify.. she wants to go so bad.

I guess one of my SIL called yesterday from TN wanting to know when we were coming down. Funny thing was, I was just thinking to myself that I have a 3 day weekend next month and another in Sept (aside from the 11 days off I have in July & Dec) and that we should make the trip down to see her and the family one of those weekends. It only takes 7 hrs to get to her house from ours and when we drive up north to the Sault for the weekend it takes about 5.. so its not that much further.. and its a hell of a lot warmer :) And all we have to pay for is gas for the money down because we can stay right at their house or camp in their back yard (they live on the side of a mountain!!) if we choose to. That would be a lot of fun!

I'm so geared up to go camping this summer. I cant wait.. we are going to Port Huron for one night- because KOA is offering a free night of camping.. and in July we are planning our east coast trip to cape cod- ocean city, md. August we have Larry's family reunion and will probably be camping there all weekend.. Labor day is usually a fishing trip up north.. And somewhere in between it all we are going to have to camp in TC because my grandparents will be up there for the summer.. so we are planning on using the tent a ton this year. And I'm geeked!

I told Larry last night that the next 'date' we go on to really needs to be more then just dinner. I feel like we are such an old, boring married couple! LOL! I told him I really want to start doing more stuff together- like bowling, canoeing- I'd like to even play disc golf one of these days. I feel like this depression that has made me fat and lazy and has kept me indoors and away from everything I used to love for the past 8+ years is finally lifting. I told him the perfect date to me would involve brunch at the Gandy Dancer (which has AWESOME brunch and its not too steep..) and a canoe trip from New Delhi metropark- Hudson Mills metro park- 8 miles down the huron river- so hopefully in the next few weeks we will do it :) I want to learn kayaking one day soon but I should probably reacquaint myself with canoeing first...

Wow. This got long. And I'm too lazy to learn all the cool LJ cut stuff..so..sorry!

Want a cookie?

Stephanie

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Last 5 Entries:
Farewell, Diaryland. - 2004-11-01
not the ultimate sacrifice..but a pretty big one... - 2004-06-23
well. doesnt this suck? - 2004-06-12
A trip to paradise - 2004-06-10
Bittersweet memories, part 2 - 2004-05-27